Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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