it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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