I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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