An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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