Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
