weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
