i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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