I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
