No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
