as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
