Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Randomize
