i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
