maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
