for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
