you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
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