last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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