I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
