u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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