jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
