small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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