if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
