I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I fill condoms, not promises.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
