the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
