You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
