There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Randomize
