i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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