She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
