I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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