I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
