just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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