No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
you never un-have a 4some
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
