I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
