i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
of course. lets lasso hookers.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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