i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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