4 words: hood of his car
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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