It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
