I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
