The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
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