I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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