That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
