you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
