So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
