cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
