Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Is it because I queefed?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
