Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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