just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
