We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
