My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
