Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
