What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
