i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I need to calm my uterus...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
