I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
