someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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