I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
