Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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