well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
