i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
either way he was missing a nipple.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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