Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
