The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
