You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My liver just had a heart attack.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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