I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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