you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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