You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
