Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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