If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
