At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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