How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize