I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
