false alarm. still invincible.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
