Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
