I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
