Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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